Love is unreasonable

winter coat

My love for you was unreasonable.

There was no thing I could point to and say, “That. That is why I love him.” It was more than the hours of easy conversation, of points in common and mutual understanding. It was more than your scent. I could indicate the curve of your neck as it rises to meet the base of your ear, but everyone has that. Why did yours move me?

I fell in love with you immediately and deeply. It made no sense. From one week to the next, my cells shifted their polarity. You became my orientation. For no particular reason. For every reason. My love was unreasonable.

Initially I was very happy. Finally! I had found the love of my life! No more was love something mysterious and foreign. I now understood why couples would stay together despite great difficulties. No wonder, if they felt like this! In my naiveté I assumed I couldn’t feel so much if it weren’t mutual. You felt something, I’m sure. But you did not fall in love with me.

You fell in love with my love.

My love was like a warm winter coat. A favorite coat. It kept out the cold of the world and brought comfort.

You loved that coat.

My friends loved and accepted you. Another layer of warmth from the cold of the world. My friends were a part of my world, and so your love for their warmth extended to me.

You loved my friends.

But like a coat, no matter how favored and beloved, sometimes my love would be set aside. It’s not always cold enough to wear a coat. That’s no reason to get rid of the coat! Who gets rid of their winter coat in summer? It gets put away for the season, so that when it gets cold again, you can reach over and put it on.

My love for you was so unreasonable, I was willing, for a while, to be that coat. Put me on, take me off. Just let me love you. Maybe you’ll love me eventually. In the meantime, I feel the love for my love and am willing to let that be enough.

For a while.

Like any favored piece of clothing, this warm coat, my love, eventually needed attention. A button lost here, a seam ripping there. When it was time to pull out a needle and thread, to address the wear and tear of years of service, you were unwilling. Instead, you got rid of the coat.


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