Here

meditationI’m trying to be here now. Right here. Right now.

When I bought my plane ticket at the end of August, I thought it would be great for a variety of reasons:

  • It would allow me to pay for it before I travel.
  • It would give me focus for language study and research for the months to come.
  • It would force my hand – I’d be going no matter what crazy life-stuff came up in the meantime.
  • It would give me heart to have something special to look forward to in the dark winter months.

In the end, all these things were true. It was great to have a reason to learn Portuguese, and I discovered that I love the language itself. I managed to pay for most of the expenses prior to travel. And yes, life handed me a lot of weird stuff in the meantime. Some things, like the need for a new roof on my house, would’ve made me cancel the trip had I not already bought the ticket.

So yes, it’s a good thing to have made such plans so far in advance.

But what I didn’t see coming is that, in my excitement, my brain got deeply into future-tripping. And whatever that thrill thing that my body goes through when I think of something fun and exciting has gotten worn out. It’s like a button I could push. Now my nerves feel a little raw. Every day, especially now that the trip is so close, people say, “Oh! How exciting! You must be very excited!” Well yes. I am. I was. I have been for so long I think the excitement button is on the fritz. Perhaps I shouldn’t have pushed it so much?

Another unexpected side-effect has been an increase of what’s probably some kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder. I’ve read so many travel blog lists and bits of advice. Asking myself repeatedly what I should take or not take, pack in my purse or pack in my suitcase, as well as the lists of don’t forget this or that takes a toll.

Just stop.

Let it all go.

Be here now. Here at home. At work. With the people I love and will miss while I’m gone. With my dog, yes! She’s alive and well, somehow! The sun is shining, flowers are blooming. Life is now.

Travel is such a big deal for me, something I wish I could do more of, that it has become rather an obsession. This trip is great, but it’s only a moment in time. Breathe and enjoy all the moments.

If I can’t pay attention to this moment, how will I be free to notice anything while I’m traveling?

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2 thoughts on “Here

  1. You make me laugh, Paula. Aren’t blogs wonderful? I can just hear all of this from you on one of our walks. Of course, we all should be trying to do just that. Live now. And don’t worry. You’ll be excited enough when the time to travel comes. Happy Trails.

    Liked by 1 person

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