I went to a New Year’s Eve party last night. Actually I went to more than one, but I’ll tell you about just one. It was full of friends and well known faces, good cheer and all that. Personally I don’t really know what to do with myself at parties. I do best with only one or two people at a time, so when I get into a room full of people, even well known beloved people, I get overwhelmed. I usually find a corner to watch (less creepy than it sounds) or try to have a deep conversation with one or two people.
At this party last night I got to continue to work on “moving on.”
I had a boyfriend, some time back. OK, an embarrassingly long time back. I fell hard for him. I was so in love. It was a lesson to me in how love can be one-sided. Because, oh sad story, he didn’t love me back. He felt lots of positive feelings and all, but I spent three years wishing and hoping that he’d suddenly realize how much he loved me. Alas, it never happened and we fell apart, as mismatched couples do.
We remained friends, and I still somehow held out hope that he’d fall for me. (I know how pathetic this sounds, but hey! I’m being honest here.) Three years later he’s still single and I’m still holding out hope. My friends say things like, “I think he wants to get back together with you!” or “You two make such a great couple, I don’t know why you’re not together!” Not very helpful, all that, but well meant nevertheless.
Then he calls me one day last winter to let me know that he’s met someone and has fallen in love. (Good man to tell me straight and not through the grapevine!) And he truly has. I watch him go through all the behaviors I always thought he’d have if he’d loved me. I feel terribly sad for me, happy for him, and vindicated. “See? I was right! He didn’t love me! I knew it!”
That may seem strange, but when your gut says one thing and the people around you are saying something else, it’s disturbing.
So back to the party. He’s there with his sweetheart. She’s great – nice, friendly, attractive. They really make a lovely couple. And he’s all attentive. In fact he’s so different I just want to watch him, to watch them both interacting and being couple-y. But I realize that would be creepy. (Despite my earlier disclaimer) So in my attempts at being not creepy, I tend towards ignoring. Great!
But what I really want to do is just watch. Who IS this guy? He, and they together, fascinate me.
Long story short, I made it through the party, into the new year, toasted champagne with friends and managed to not be too creepy.